Pirates of the Caribbean:

Damn.
There are over 1200 PotC fics at the Pit alone. Thats a wee bit insane.

I am leaving bright and early tomorrow morning for Las Vegas, and I won't be back until late Sunday night. On Monday morning, I go back to college. I have no idea when the next update will be. o_o;

With that said, today's fic is a songfic. With netspeak. GAH.

TITLE: Going Under
AUTHOR: Cynthia Sparrow - she has an assload of X-men fics that look a bit familiar. I think she's been reported over in

xmensues. Should she feel honored?

NAME(S): Rose
AFFILIATION: prostitute
HAIR COLOR: not mentioned
EYE COLOR: not mentioned
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: none

HISTORY: unknown

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS: Jack rescues her from drowning. Aren't we over ripping scenes directly from the movie, yet?

NOTES The spelling... the punctuation.. the formatting... YEE GODS.

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:

( SMOOCH OR YOU FALL! )

( Jack visits Will and Elizabeth, in their pleasant little home in ... Tortuga. )

Oi.

What the...
TITLE: And Really Bad Eggs
AUTHOR: Jazzminna

NAME(S): Jessica
AFFILIATION: British nobility
HAIR COLOR: not mentioned
EYE COLOR: not mentioned
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: none

HISTORY: Uknown

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS: Is engaged to James Norrington. Takes care of Jack.

NOTES: This fic makes no sense. Jack randomly shows up in Port Royal and is apprehended by James (that is, by the way, the supposed official first name of Commodore Norrington. It's a bit easier to type out than NORRINGTON, so I'll probably start using it quite a bit), who is out for a stroll on the docks with his fiance and a whole bunch of gaurds. Elizabeth and Will show up in the second chapter - they have twin one-year-olds, and one of them can talk in complete sentences. The Sue has a cousin who comes to Port Royal for no reason. As far as I can tell, there's very little happening in the fic besides talking.

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:

( Oh, hi Jack! Of course you can stay at the Commodore's house while you have amnesia. It's not like you're a wanted pirate that drives Norrington up a wall, or anything. )

Wooooo boy.
TITLE: Calypso
AUTHOR: IceCoatedHeart

NAME(S): Penelope Black
AFFILIATION: pirate
HAIR COLOR: "truffle colored hair"
EYE COLOR: "lapis lazuli eyes"
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: Some necklace Jack is looking for. Her fingernails can draw blood, for some reason.

HISTORY: Is .. a pirate. Yay?

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS Jack is looking for three legendary pearls, and Penelope has one of them. He and Will (who is playing the side-kick game) get onto her ship and look around for it, but she wakes up and waives a sword around, and so they end up kidnapping her. You know, because that's SO much easier than just killing her and taking her necklace.

NOTES: Besides Miss Black here, there is a secondary Sue named Lainey, who is Jack's little sister. She and Will apparently have a future.

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:

( Over-done, flowery descriptions, ahoy! )

( Just take the friggin' necklace, already! )

( *massively OOC Will warning siren goes off* )

I'm sorry!
There will be no update today. I've had a very long, very bad day. I promise I'll update tomorrow. If not, feel free to throw things at me.

To keep you amused, go see the Commodore Norrington fanlisting I made. And join. Yes.

And today's sue is ... zzz ... ACH! It's okay, really. Sortov. Uhm..
I am dead tired, so don't expect too much chatter from my end today. You all will just have to pick up the slack. :)

TITLE: Secrets of the Caribbean
AUTHOR: Plateado

NAME(S): Scarlett Bane - A/N: Scarlett Bane is of NO relation to the prostitute named Scarlet in the movie, just so you guys know.
AFFILIATION: pirate
HAIR COLOR: blonde
EYE COLOR: green
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: none

HISTORY: Was yet another female crew member of the Black Pearl previous to Barbossa's mutiny.

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS: Is apparently Jack's ex-girlfriend seeking revenge on him. Would be okay, except it's clear she will re-hook-up with Jack in future chapters.

NOTES: zzz....

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:

( Or you could have just ... pulled her up. )

( Sparkly sparkly.. something.. falling.. asleeeep.. )

*falls over*

It's nothing like the Barbossa Sue! Huzzah!
... But it's still pretty weird.

TITLE: Lost Flower
AUTHOR: Quinn

NAME(S): Aveline Hartwell
AFFILIATION: British nobilty. French on every second Tuesday of the month.
HAIR COLOR: brown and blonde
EYE COLOR: green
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: A dagger. Her virginity. Ooo.

HISTORY: Was sold by her parents to the pirate Captain Savage. Yes, you heard me. Captain Savage. Captain Savage forced the young girl to undergo some weird, creepy ritual that made her some kind of magical virgin.

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS: Unhappy with her lot in life, she sneaks aboard a ship that gets attacked by none other than the Black Pearl. Jack, deciding she is the key to his immortality, decides to keep her with plans of seducing her.

NOTES: This story is actually written very well, and is not a bad read. If not for the fact that the main girl is apparently going to hook up with Jack, I wouldn't have put it up. There are, after having read it all, a few points that really irk me - Anamaria is very quickly shoved out of the story, and there's Norrington bashing. Come now, kids, leave the man alone. Yeesh.

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:

( Couldn't he have just waived a magic wand at her? I mean, really... )

( We're just going to abandon Anamaria here. It's not like it's HER crew sailing under Jack's command on the Pearl, or anything... )

And now, for something completely different...
Today, I have three things to adress:

1) I'm sorry to anyone I scared, annoyed, offended, or otherwise bothered with my outburst yesterday over my little graphics being stolen. I am an artist by trade (painting, sculpture, and modern/abstract variations), and so I am very touchy about anything I've made being stolen or reproduced without my permission - wether it be one of my personal "masterpeices", stick figure doodles on a napkin, or silly graphics made in Photoshop. In my world, the only punishment for taking art against someone's request is DEATH. >_>;

2) I was going to do a real update today, but the lovely

shinhae dropped by and we opted for a night of pirate-y fun and insanity. This fun and insanity lead to ...

3) The Naming Of the Antena Ball. Shin hae recently purchased a pirate antena ball at Downtown Disney - but because her car antena is ... er ... strange ... it doesn't fit, and so resides on her dash board. This antena ball spent the night with us, talking to the people at the Del Taco drive through, and shouting comments at passers-by at the harbor. Since he has proven to be such a colorful and social little guy, we decided he should have a name. But what? We don't know!

( the back )

*points at you like Uncle Sam ... but with a pirate hat on* We need your help! Give us your ideas for our Pirate Captain's name. If we use your name, I'll made you some silly graphic for your personal use. Isn't that fantastic? Oh yes, indeed it is!

Alright you shit-faced sons-of-bitches

WHO MADE THIS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION? DO YOU REALIZE HOW LONG THOSE LITTLE BASTARDS TOOK TO MAKE? I probably wouldn't mind if you ASKED to use my graphics, but God Almighty, it even says on the page to please NOT take them.

I mean, Jebus, if you're going to pull this shit, don't do it when I'm having car trouble, and don't do it on a journal function I use. Take it down immediately. It's too late to ask me if you can use it.

And just for the record, I don't think you're all shit-faced sons-of-bitches. Just whoever took my graphics without asking.

*edit* The culprit has been found! It was this sad excuse for a human being right over here. Die, art theif, die.

zanzabar has been cleared of all charges. I must now focus my murderous rage apon the person making and distributing the icons.

*edit again* WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS? Some person has adobtable icons on their icon page made from my graphics. Excuse me while I go commit mass genocide.

Well ... this is new.
Yet again I must apologize for not updating yesterday. I'm thinking of either just making the official update status of this journal every other day, or roping one of my compatriots into sharing the journal. The chances of this being turned into a community are slim, because if my schedule gets crunched and I don't have time to update, I'm going to have even less time to moderate another community.

For those of you wondering when the "real" story of PotC Handpuppet Theater will be up: my partner in puppet-crime, Layla, is presently at Otakon. When she returns we will be working on getting that up.

It's interesting - while Jack gets stuck with all the Sues, Will gets all the oddball crap. I've found fics where he's been Norrington's unwilling sex slave, Barbossa's unwilling sex slave, a vampire, and the decendant of Legolas or Legolas himself (even thought they have different skills, personalities, haircolor, and the fact that elves don't grow facial hair). *shudder*

Enought of that. Without futher ado, I bring you ... a Barbossa Sue.

TITLE: Rum
AUTHOR: KittyMartin

NAME(S): Cassandra
AFFILIATION: Er ... none. Is a servant.
HAIR COLOR: dark brown with "natural white streaks"
EYE COLOR: not mentioned
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: rum?

HISTORY: Is ... a servant girl. Yippee.

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS: She has sex with Barbossa. That's really about it.

NOTES: At least it's short?

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:

( Beware t3h SEX0RZ!!1!!1111!!! )

Er... what?
TITLE: Love Can Kill You when You want it to (her capitalization, not mine)
AUTHOR: ForestSpirit

NAME(S): Sarah Black. Or Sarah Wells. The author hasn't decided, apparently.
AFFILIATION: pirate
HAIR COLOR: not mentioned
EYE COLOR: not mentioned
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: a piece of the cursed Aztec gold

HISTORY: Er ... I have no idea.

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS: Is apparently Will's long-lost sister. However, the summary says "Sarah Black has fallen in love with someone whose heart is already taken." Please please please tell me this is NOT going to be an incest-fic...

NOTES: Besides being a really painfull story, it has some weird formatting.

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:

( What? No. Just ... No. )

.. Random note - there's some weird sports thing on TV and they're playing a Brak song. BRAK! ... Just thought you'd all like to know. *cough* Anyway.

( Aughhh incest possibilities, noooo! )

Historical discussion?
It looks like I won't have time to update today - I'm leaving shortly and will most likely be gone all day. So I thought I'd at least try to stir up some discussion!

PotC took place in the 1600s - what was the state of the world at the time? Europe? The American colonies? How did the earthquake in Port Royal affect piracy? When was that earthquake, anyway? What is Tortuga and who started it? What ever happened to it?

Go, my children! Discuss! Research! ;) I'd join you but ... I get to play lasertag!

Yo ho, yo ho...
Once again, I have to apologize for not updating yesterday. x_x Summer allergies are kicking my ass, and lately all I want to do after I get home is sleep and/or die.

TITLE: Two Cats and Only One Sparrow
AUTHOR: Sparrow's Nestling

NAME(S): Raziya Nebkhefkharonheb (...)
AFFILIATION: pirate
HAIR COLOR: not mentioned
EYE COLOR: not mentioned
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: none

HISTORY: Is an Egyptian pirate who was part of the Black Pearl's original crew.

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS: Is Jack's girlfriend - or, was Jack's girlfriend, until he got marooned and she was forced to stay on the ship. Behold the nature of their relationship: "Jack and Raz sort of had a thing for each other, they weren't really open about, or had ever showed it, but everyone knew just by the way they acted, and I guess the monkey even caught them kissing one drunken night."

NOTES: This is just painfull. There's three chapters, all of which are about three paragraphs long (at least, they would be, if there was any breakage anywhere), and are told in a rushed fashion that sounds a bit like how Jr. Highers relay stories when they're really excited ("And then THIS happened and it was like SO COOL and then stuff was like wooosh and she was like COOL and then ---"). There's even a character named Bonny Lass. Please, please let it be a troll...

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:

( Chapter One )

( Chapter two - she escapes! .. A year later? .. Or something.. )

( Chapter Three ... wait, what? )

At least it's short?
TITLE: The Fiercest Female Pirate
AUTHOR: Lady Pirate

NAME(S): Sonya Williams
AFFILIATION: pirate
HAIR COLOR: not mentioned
EYE COLOR: green
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: knives ... if that's considered special.

HISTORY: Is a pirate who apparently lost her crew.

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS: She is saved from an attempted rape by Jack. Then, out of nowhere, both of them are arrested and thrown in jail.

NOTES: The story feels like it was written in five minutes. It's short, rushed, and a lot of it doesn't make any sense at all. It's pretty new on FF.net - I was drawn to it by the title. Oi.

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:

( Here's the lot of it. )

A Commodore Norrington Sue! *dun dun duuuuuuuun*
... It begins.

TITLE: The Pirate's Return
AUTHOR: Hermione-Malfoy (Are you cringing yet? She also seems to have an OC fic with Colonel Tavington from The Patriot. While I must compliment her on good taste, that is just NOT someone you write a love interest for. x_x)

NAME(S): Hannah Hope Schuyler (I cannot even begin to pronounce Schuyler), or Hope Hanna Schuyler, or something. I don't know. She switches off.
AFFILIATION: British nobility
HAIR COLOR: not mentioned
EYE COLOR: not mentioned
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: none

HISTORY: Is the daughter of a Portugese (or Spanish - the author apparently hasn't decided yet) woman and a British man. Her mother dies, and her father decides to go to the Caribbean. They go from Spain to Britain, and there they prepare for the journey to America and then the Caribbean.

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS: While in Britain, her father encourages her to meet with Norrington (who is, for whatever reason, in Britain). Outwardly, she wants nothing to do with him. Norrington is, of course, smitten with her.

NOTES: I found this story quite a while ago, and thought it had potential to not be so bad. I sent the author a (fairly long) critique of her writing and character, and urged her to continue. She did continue, but apparently my critique was ignored. The story, sadly, does not get better. It goes in quite the opposite direction.

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:

( Oh, the angst! The injustice of it all! )

( Gasp! The Sue's presecence makes Norrington ill! )

It's not terrible, but it's not that good, either. Overall it's just ... really boring.

I apologize for the lack of Sue yesterday - I just never ended up getting around to updating, for various reasons. >_<; If I have time, today, I'll post two. ^^ On an unrelated note, I've made an Anti-X-men Evolution community, because ... yeah. >_o Anyway, on with the fic.

TITLE: The Sands of the Hourglass
AUTHOR: Sing

NAME(S): Jessica Sullivan
AFFILIATION: British nobility
HAIR COLOR: not mentioned
EYE COLOR: not mentioned
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: an hourglass pendant, that I assume will be usefull at some point later in the story.

HISTORY: Lives on an island in the Caribbean with her step-father, who arranges her to be married to a man she hates. He dies in her prescense, and ...

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS: ... is thrown in jail - in the same cell as Jack. What a coincidence.

NOTES: This story has got to have the worst formatting and structure I have ever seen. I don't know if the author used a weird program to write it, or if she's OCD with the return key, but there's like three or four lines in between each "complete thought". It's written in a first-person perspective, but seems to be trying to immitate the person's thought process, so it's hard to tell what the heck is going on at any given time.

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:

( How do you become a well-known Lieutenant? Kill all your superiors and don't promote yourself? )

( The fatefull ... uh, arrest. )

A "songfic/story"
If anyone caught that entry that was here a few hours ago, I apologize. I logged into the wrong name on my LJ update client, and accidentally posted an entry here that should have gone to my personal journal. ^^; Ehehe.

I'd also like to apologize for not having a fic up yesterday - I was out and about all day, and by the time I got home, I was dead tired.

TITLE: White Waves Of The Caribbean
AUTHOR: Joselyn-Greenleaf, who also has Mary Sues for Lord of the Rings, Rurouni Kenshin, Inu Yasha, Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, and The Faculty. Oi.

NAME(S): Anne, aka Annie, aka Bonnie, aka Lassie.
AFFILIATION: pirate.
HAIR COLOR: black
EYE COLOR: not mentioned
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: none

HISTORY: Is the daughter of a preacher who fell in love with a pirate and ran off with him. And who might that pirate be? Gee, I wonder.

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS: Is Jack's girlfriend. After various traumatic events, they get married.

NOTES: This happens "two years after Will and Elizabeth get married." Jack is dedicated and loyal, except for when drunk. His crew has also mysteriously dissapeared. The author makes special note in the summary that is is "NOT a Jack/Anamaria fic," and I'm really not sure why. There aren't too many Jack/Anamaria fics out there (I think the possibility of it being canon scares too many fic writers away).

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:

( You're who, now? )

( I liked it the first time, when it was in the movie. )

Buwahaha.
Something's come up this evening, and I'll be pretty busy. I'm not sure if I'll have time to review a Sue. But because I love you all, I'm going to show you this: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Preview of the Curse of the Stupid Fanfiction. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Please make the hurting stop.
TITLE: Blood Ties
AUTHOR: RamblinRose

NAME(S): Ariadne Miracle
AFFILIATION: I have no idea.
HAIR COLOR: not mentioned
EYE COLOR: not mentioned
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: none

HISTORY: Is a modern-day girl who who travels through time to get in whacky adventures with Jack.

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS: Jack is magically transported into her bedroom, and besides some "Oh golly, this sure is weird" reactions, Adriane doesn't seem to mind. She eventually decides Jack was sent there to take her back in time to do ... something.

NOTES: The author apparently has issues with hitting the return key at random times during her writing, and coupled with the fact that this fic is hard enough to understand as is, it makes it nearly impossible to read.

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:

( Hey, there's a pirate on the floor. )

( She's like Nancy Drew ... but not really. )

The fic goes on, and has something to do with Jack having relatives, but I couldn't make myself read past the begining of chapter three. This story has close to 20 reviews, which are all positive. My brain is leaking out the side of my ear, because it is refusing to believe that. Oi.

I fear that we are drawing nearer to a Harry Potter crossover.
TITLE: Little Nightingale
AUTHOR: Alyde11

NAME(S): Sarelle Nymphadora Tokelin (oh Jesus.)
AFFILIATION: British nobility
HAIR COLOR: dark brown
EYE COLOR: sea green
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: She has pointy ears.

HISTORY: Was born to a couple living in the Caribbean. They died, and she was raised by her uncle, who's set her up to marry someone back in England. Angst ensues.

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS: None as of yet. I was suprised the first (and only) chapter ended where it did, because the summary talked about Jack, and I had assumed he would be making an appearence.

NOTES: It's not badly written, but for crying out loud - do we really need someone in PotC named Sarelle Nymphadora Tokelin who has pointy ears? No. We do not.

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:

( Oh, the angst. )

( We get an explanation for the name )

The author's notes at the bottom include: "There are references from Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings; I am not taking claim for them."

Is it really that hard to come up with a name on your own? With all the baby name resouces on the 'net, I'm sure it would be no problem to find a 17th century European names list.

Er ... why?
I apologize for the shortness of this review - I'm still not feeling well, and am having serious issues concentrating on anything.

TITLE: Pirates of the Caribbean The Magick of the Stone (direct copy-and-paste)
AUTHOR: Beth

NAME(S): Fauve
AFFILIATION: unknown
HAIR COLOR: "Her long tresses were the colour of rubies when they lay in shadow" ... why couldn't she just say dark red?
EYE COLOR: blue-green
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: none

HISTORY: Uknown

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS: She walks into Will's smithery at the same time as Jack (for an unexplained reason). Jack asks Will and Elizabeth to go on an adventure with him, and Will agrees, but only if Fauve comes with them (for an unexplained reason).

NOTES: Most Sue fics I've seen had at least some attempt at explaining why their character is present - this one does not. She's just ... there.

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:

( The Sue appears, and clouds herself in contradictions. )

This story has three reviews - one of them is from an Anonymous persion who left their name as Fauve. Their review says "Mary-Sue would be a more fitting name!" I couldn't agree more. ;)

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