Pirates of The Caribbean Mary Sues ([info]piratesues) wrote,
@ 2003-08-19 21:04:00
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What the...
TITLE: And Really Bad Eggs
AUTHOR: Jazzminna

NAME(S): Jessica
AFFILIATION: British nobility
HAIR COLOR: not mentioned
EYE COLOR: not mentioned
SPECIAL POSESSIONS: none

HISTORY: Uknown

CONNECTIONS TO CHARACTERS: Is engaged to James Norrington. Takes care of Jack.

NOTES: This fic makes no sense. Jack randomly shows up in Port Royal and is apprehended by James (that is, by the way, the supposed official first name of Commodore Norrington. It's a bit easier to type out than NORRINGTON, so I'll probably start using it quite a bit), who is out for a stroll on the docks with his fiance and a whole bunch of gaurds. Elizabeth and Will show up in the second chapter - they have twin one-year-olds, and one of them can talk in complete sentences. The Sue has a cousin who comes to Port Royal for no reason. As far as I can tell, there's very little happening in the fic besides talking.

SAMPLE OF THE STORY:



Oh, hi Jack! Of course you can stay at the Commodore's house while you have amnesia. It's not like you're a wanted pirate that drives Norrington up a wall, or anything.

Just then Jack tripped and fell on his face. Then as the two guards were trying to pull him back up he fell of the dock. They were close to the shore and so there were a lot of sharp rocks in that shallow part. Jessica could see a stream of blood as Jack’s head hit one of them.

"Hurry get him out of there!" she said to the two guards. Once they had Jack back up on deck she knelt by his side and examined the wound just above his left ear. She looked up at Norrington, "James, he needs medical attention. He could have a concussion or amnesia."

Just then Jack retched and vomited on to the dock, then fell into unconsciousness. Jessica looked back at Norrington who had his eyes closed and was rubbing his temples. "Well now what do you suggest we do with him now?" he asked her.

What the shit is this? She doesn't need to suggest a thing! She's not the bloody Commodore!

"Take him home with us." She answered. "He can stay in the guest room until he is better."

What, is the jail full?

"Great I was hoping you wouldn’t say that." He sighed then said, "Very well." He signaled the guards to take off the handcuffs and to fallow him.


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[info]bruisedgarden
2003-08-20 04:46 am UTC (link)
He signaled the guards to take off the handcuffs and to fallow him. Sounds kinky. Can I see? ^_^

(Reply to this)


[info]maikaerin
2003-08-20 06:06 am UTC (link)
LOL! Your comments are just so amusing! ^^

(Reply to this)

t'underin' a**holes
[info]lasergirl
2003-08-20 12:21 pm UTC (link)
**waits patiently for the Norrington/Sparrow action**

.
.
.
.

to no avail.
WHAT THE HELL?!?!!? Where's all the Norrington Slash. Poor JAMES.

Then she took the cloth and dipped one corner in the water and cleaned the blood from Jack’s forehead. She then raped the cloth around his head and tied it.

This could have been interesting.... if Norrington was involved. *SIGHHH*

another waste of bandwidth. doo dee doo.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: t'underin' a**holes
[info]laurelin_kit
2003-09-14 05:19 am UTC (link)
She..raped? This hurts my brain.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
*amused*
[info]ghanihwi
2003-08-20 02:03 pm UTC (link)
Elizabeth it's nice to see you hear.

A little typo in chapter two that I thought too funny to pass up. It is nice to know, after all, that Elizabeth hasn't gone deaf over the past few years.

Egads! When will authors realize that Sparrow doesn't want a long term relationship? What is it with the idea that every woman wants to be married and every man is just "waiting for that one special girl" to settle down with? It's just not in some people's natures to settle down- and I believe Sparrow is a perfect example. (Now watch him have a love interest in the next movie and give me a reason to eat this later...)

This is all the work of Johnny Depp! Damn him his good looks!

(Reply to this)


[info]sailormac
2003-08-20 03:46 pm UTC (link)
She then raped the cloth around his head and tied it.

My, she's talented. She can not only have her way with a piece of cloth, she can do it while her legs are wrapped around someone's head!

Is there nothing Sues can't do?

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[info]visp
2003-08-20 08:06 pm UTC (link)
No! Not the poor innocent cloth!

(Reply to this) (Parent)
..
(Anonymous)
2003-08-20 03:58 pm UTC (link)
*whip crack* That Mary Sue does seem to have James whipped, and I now know who wears the pants in that realationship.

"Take him home with us." She answered. "He can stay in the guest room until he is better."

What is Jack, an adorable stray?
-Alise

(Reply to this)


[info]ex_shinken853
2003-08-20 05:03 pm UTC (link)
See my icon? Lt. Bush doubts the very existance of this story, it's so bad. Also, the lack of commas burns my eyes.

*looks at the actual story on ffn*

Oh no. Please tell me that she didn't just spell "hearties" as "'hardies". Someone shoot me. With a pistol. *wail*

(Reply to this)


[info]logicalromantic
2003-08-21 01:41 am UTC (link)
I think James is a good first name for Norrington, and that's the only redeeming thing about this bit of - whatever. Spellcheck, how hard can it be?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]erniliel1
2005-02-22 12:37 am UTC (link)
Off topic, but amazing icon. Really.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Anonymous)
2003-08-24 06:37 am UTC (link)
Ah, the humanity. Poor Norrington. I'll read most any fic with him in it, rabid Jack Davenport fangirl that I am, but nothing where he's already married, and to a Mary Sue at that. In my twisted slasher mind, he turns to either Gillette or Sparrow for comfort after Elizabeth dumps him and realizes he doesn't like women anyway.

You know, I really consider it a blessing that I've stumbled on this. MSTs rock my world.

(Reply to this)


[info]laurelin_kit
2003-09-14 05:18 am UTC (link)
Funny. I always thought Norrington's first name would be something awesomely pretentious like Percival or something. But that's because I love Norrington and think he deserves to get a fangirl or two.

Isn't retched and vomited much the same thing?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]bagelofdeath
2003-12-12 05:09 pm UTC (link)
I feel like I should be saying something more
important but...

Retching is an action BEFORE vomiting, I think. It's the whole dry-heave action. Kinda like, if a guy starts retching, you can run away before he vomits.

But I can't be sure.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]bagelofdeath
2003-12-12 05:16 pm UTC (link)
Okay.

Obviously Norrington was castrated sometime after their wedding, thus rendering him spineless and a complete and utter pussy.

Actually, no. He doesn't even seem that "wimpy". It's more that he's completely lost the will to live. Nothing affects him anymore and he is only the apathetic husk of the man he once was.

Jessica: What do you want for dinner, James?
Norrington: *sighs* I don't know.
Jessica: Roast beef? Chicken?
Norrington: *sighs* What does it matter? It all tastes like ash.
Jessica: Let's have chicken!
Norrington: *runs a knife along his wrists, not cutting but obviously thinking that if he had the will, he would end it all* ...Yes. Chicken

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]kestaa
2004-01-24 08:16 am UTC (link)
Oh god you're right! Poor Norrington; he needs counselling.
He signaled the guards to take off the handcuffs and to fallow him.
If asking your men to let you lie dormant for a year isn't a cry for help, I don't know what is.

I don't like to pick on spelling errors too much. My brother has learning difficulties (I think that's P.C. right now) and his spelling is the worst I’ve ever seen in someone his age. It’s because he spells the way he hears, and it’s really difficult for him to remember the correct spelling. Still, some of this author’s mistakes are priceless. For example:
…battling Barbossa’s crew, lifting the curs and finally Jack’s escape.
“So after we had finished fighting the undead pirates, we had to pick up some mangy dogs. I’m not sure why. Some sort of local custom, I guess. Then it was time for Jack to escape.”

Also, just to be a nitpicker, an unmarried couple would not have lived together, even if they did have separate bedrooms. It simply would not have happened.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]ghessy
2006-12-27 11:08 am UTC (link)
S-stay away from my name Sue! Well yeah, the spelling is different but just stay away from it, please?

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